My oldest son is graduating from high school Wednesday. As I scan my Facebook and Instagram feeds I am seeing dozens of faces of his classmates and my friends’ children as they take next steps. So many people comment that it went so fast. They say that they blinked and suddenly there is an adult standing before them. But it doesn’t feel that way to me. Though I can still feel the fleshy pillow of his hand, it seems a lifetime ago since I walked him into pre-school with his security blanket tucked discretely into his bag.
In a way, we have grown up together. I was a woman when I had him, thirty-one, but he made me an adult. It occurred to me the other day, that for the most part, I did what I set out to do. He is kind and he is curious. He is funny and he can laugh at himself. He is tolerant and he is not afraid to take risks. He is a horrible slob and an incorrigible procrastinator, but I fear he gets those things from me so I cannot complain.
He was an old soul when he came to me, and subsequently, easy to raise. I have ferried him to the threshold of adulthood; the joys and challenges and responsibilities of his life will take him the rest of the way there and I will no longer have a leading role, but will instead be a supporting player.
My middle son is not taking the idea of his brother going away to college very well. He does not like to talk about it, and when we do I smile and tell him how excited I am that his brother will have the opportunity to see the world in a new way. It is thrilling. “Aren’t you going to miss him?” he asks me. Of course I am going to miss him. But I feel so fortunate to have had him with me nearly every day for his whole life until now. If he stayed with me, I would not have done my job very well. Besides, as he goes into the world, just as he carried that blanket into school, he will carry a piece of my heart inside of him wherever he goes. I hope he takes it far.
That's one cute little guy! My eldest grandson will be in the Class of '18 – yes, it both feels as if the time has flown by, and yet it seems like a lifetime ago when he was born to my daughter, my youngest child. He's a tall, very confident young man and I look at him in awe.
Life will be different next year with just the two boys left, and I know they will miss their "leader".
I wish him the best at the college of his choice!
Eloquently expressed. You look great in this new photo on your blog!
Thank you-beautiful & so moving, congrats!
I'll be in the same place next year w/ my oldest son.
My son just turned 25. You still made me cry. "Fleshy pillows." I used to refer to my son's "marshmallow feet." Sigh. Someone bring me a toddler, stat. All the best wishes to you, your son, and his brothers.
Beautifully written! It's such an exciting and bittersweet time. But you are so right, we give our children wings so that they can fly solo. And they will always return to their loving nest. I wish you strength and not too many tears as he leaves for this next exciting chapter in his life.
Patricia you have indeed done a wonderful job as a Mother to these three boys, and I have enjoyed watching them grow up and become young men!! Your oldest is ready for the next chapter and I know will handle it well thanks much to you!
xoxo
Karena
The Arts by Karena
Graham Greene wrote, "There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in." In this case of your old soul who want to be an architect, he probably designed the door.
Much happiness on this threshold event.
I have enjoyed reading your blog for several years, and wanted to send your family and you the best of wishes on this great milestone! Kind regards from an expat in Germany.
I will be sending my oldest off to college in less than two weeks, and you express so beautifully and eloquently what I am feeling. I agree, if he weren't ready for this next step, and excited and eager for it (which I want him to be), I wouldn't have done my job. Still, I know it is going to be a very bittersweet milestone for me. I wish you and your son all the best!